i did not feel he’s gone just yet, I cant believe it, although i was preparing myself for this day to come , call me crazy but i thought of it every single day ! I asked myself million question about this, funeral details, where its gonna b, who’s coming n many others
But the surprising thing today is the way I’m digesting this !
I cant say ” allah yer7umah ” or hear them calling him ” el mar7om ” bcoz i dnt feel he is one ! I dnt feel he’s gone, or let me say passed away n now not being considered alive !
sometimes i felt him talking to me, asking me yy r u crying baba ? what’s wrong with u ? please dnt be sad ! B strong for ur mammy ! it’s like a full conversation going on in my head, i can see his face expressions ! his look his touch ! kil shy i can feel it
is this denial or what ?
I never ever thought i will be asking myself this question but am i ever gonna believe this ?
weird thing about me is that am normally active ! I can go to jam3iya bring stuff for home, went to get some black clothing from avenues n did visit a friend !! why am i acting normal ? could it be bcoz am not believing this yet ? am acting like i have always been acting with him here ?!
Ya rabbi 5afif 3alena ! This is so heavy to be digested !