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Letting Go – 2

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We stayed at the hospital until 12 am that day, hoping he would get better. His oxygen was low so they attached him to an oxygen mask. It was so not comfortable for him n he kept taking it off, while i kept putting it back ! every one left, but my mom n I stayed !

I was gonna leave bcoz my mom wanted me to go with my sister to do some important paper work he requested n we should leave him by 6 AM so we had to leave the hospital earlier than our regular timing, However, he was not very conscious but he could hear me im sure  of that, so i hold his hands n asked him ” Baba do u want me to leave ? i need to go bacher il 9ib7 do the paper u requested ok ? ” He didnt answer me but he was holding my hand tight like if he was saying please dont go ! I asked him again n he tried to pull me into him by his very weak strength he got, I thought at first he wanted to tell me something . I went close by his side n said : ” ha 7abebi ,, shno tabi tgol ? Baba ana lazim aro7 il 9ib7 at 7 ayeblik il lawyer !  ok ? ”  he didnt answer me, rather than that he pulled me into him n kissed me while putting his oxygen mask !! I felt that will b the last time he gives me this kiss !

” Baba tabeni ag3d ? ” He could not talk but moved his head saying yes n so i stayed with mom n my sister n brother went back home ! I guess that was the last time we had a contact with him n he actually was replying ! after that he was in pain couldnt sleep n could not take medication, I called Mr.R ” Mr.R he’s so not fine ! please help him !! Nothing seems to help he still cant sleep ! ” Mr.R called Dr.E n she asked him to put some sort of drops in his mouth that will help him b calm n sleep but they should have our permission first bcoz he might not awake after that ! it’s like putting him to sleep n never wakes up ! I thought that was a big decision to make but we should do it ! He should rest, i thought !

we agreed n there after he was sleeping ! with all the machines on him showing his oxygen level, BP, n heart beat we slept there with him . I tried to get some rest as i was very tired, however I know mom did not sleep at all that night !

Things were the same until 3 pm the following day, he was still asleep while we were there, my uncle n cuzn all came in so my mom asked me to go back home n change my cloths bcoz i was there since the day before ! So i took my brother n went back home to change n fresh up n come again , He was stable so i thought 1 hour wont kill me right ? n i needed to get back home n change so i can sleep over at night !

I went back home, changed n showered n lied in bed, could not sleep i just needed to rest a little , krasi il hospital was killing my back ! I remembered faj2a that my phone was on silent so i rushed n changed the profile into loud ! a mnt later my phone range ! it was my sister  ” 5eer zayon fi shy ? baba fih shy ? ” i asked , ” No toona dnt worry he’s fine but if u can come its better, look dont rush up its just that his breathing is not so good n i feel like u need to come if u can , mom tgolich dnt drive like a crazy ! just come w 3la ra7tch ! ” I put down the phone n it took me 5 mnts to be in the car ! I could not help it , i had to drive like a crazy ! i even chewed a gum to take the stress away ! parked n ran into the hos !! the Left opened i was on the second floor n there was my cuzn n rayil e5ti at the same time !! His face was like ——- no comment but still i thought not that bad ! i asked him ” shfeeh ? ! ”

I Opened the room of his Room , He was calm n not breathing ! my mom n sister were crying nurses were playing around with the machines he had n other changed the channel into a Qor2an one ! I was surprised , it was toooo fast !! He was gone tooo fast !

I cried the hell out of me in that room, my mom n sister were holding me , the nurses were taking every thing off n there comes the moment where they wanted to covered him ! His face , i shouted ” Nooooooo plz leave it open ” !!!!! I could not see them cover him up like I see them doing that in Grey’s Anatomy or any other Tv show ! I stayed awhile then came my uncle , he kissed me n my sister n asked us to leave ! I did not want to leave so fast i wanted to stay with him a bit longer ! He was turning yellow by the time !! n so cold ! I came close to him, hold him n kissed him ! i kissed his forehead that was sooo cold ” mama he’s soo cold mama yy is that ? ” mama said ” 7yati ya mama there is no blood circulation that’s yy ! ” I kissed him goodbye n then my cuzn took my mom, sister , n I back home !!!!


2 responses »

  1. ga6a3ty glbi ya Toona 😦 Im really sorry that u had to go through all of this! Im really sorry 😦 o allah yer7ama nshallah!


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