22 July 2010 , My Father Passed away
I Was staring at this blank page trying to figure out what to write ?
I donno what happened ? 2 years n 3 months back He got Cancer, I know Cancer is a big deal bs everyone says its curable ! He had colon cancer stage 4 that spread to the bones , especially his hips bones !
First it started when he was complaining of pain in his legs ! I remember that very well, it was Winter 2008 it was soo cold n he turned soo sick ! Sever Pain in his legs he couldn’t walk a feet ! We started looking for a Doctor to See what exactly was wrong ? We went to many many many doctors n known of them were able to find out, all they came up with is ” 3a9ab ” n something else called ” 3irg il nissa ” ! Which apparently is very common in the Winter, we went to many physical therapist n he had many session, i remember I used to take him in that coldness of December to Dar il Shifa Hospital w we go to the basement to The physical therapy clinic ! Later on They found out through a bone scan that he has cancer , bones cancer , which was spread through somewhr else ! it was the time they finally were investigating every cell in his body to FINALLY found out through a colon endoscopy that he has Colon cancer !
I knew something wrong was going on ! i knew i was serious But at first i was trying to escape the truth ! I started to go out more often n most likely i was ignoring the fact that i will go back home to my sick father !
U see i have a special relationship with my father, ygolon ana dalo3ta , am the youngest daughter , actually we’re only 2 boys n 2 gurls bs madre 7tta ana i feel am special to him ! as he is special to me !
I have always always always had the thought of losing him, only the thought was enough to freak the hell out of me ! how about now that he’s sick ! n i know Cancer is not Easy !
We went through kil shy ,, sifar 3ilaj bil 5arj 7 months till here makki yim3a w badriya il a7md !! w am sure in this part of the world u know what am talking abt whn i mention these hospitals names n other things !
He went through Chemo Sessions, Radio therapy , 3ilaj sha3bi !! kil shy !!! w ma fad shy
the thing that was heart breaking is the amount of pain he exert ! He was always in pain, i know colon Cancer is not that painful but what he was complaining of is the bones cancer ! especially his Legs, he couldnt walk properly ! on Wheel chair n So on
Until the 23rd of May 2010, it was the last time he was admitted into the hospital ( Badriya Al -Ahmad ) … n He never get the chance to get out of it !
Never thought he would go n leave me so quickly , Last Monday He was sleeping n i was waiting for his Doc to come. She came in hold his hands so gently n Said ” Mr.B How are you ? ” He Answered ” t3baaaaaaaaan ” That was the one answer he used lately for every thing .. After talking about the amount of pain killers he should receive , She Asked me to go out of the room n talk to her privately .. ! I Kissed his Hands n Said : ” Baba i will come back so soon ” Dr. D was holding his file n then looked at me n smiled ” Sho ismk ? ” I replied ” Toona ” Then She took off her glasses n said ” Toona, sho bt3rfi 3n 7alt il baba ? ” I Said ” I know enough ” She Replied ” So , i will tell you one thing, we all know that il a3mar biyad allah bs we can still expect the time left for a patient medically, now your father’s case is getting worse , am gonna say by the week so that means we have months left ” I replied with a smile on me face trying to hide my tears ” Yeah Sure , ” So She said ” Maybe he wont be able to make it until the end of the month, what we can do in this case is emotional n spiritual support for the patient . ” I Looked at her with the fake smile of my face ” Yeah sure, i will Support him ” n Then I thanked her n Go back into his room. He was half a sleep so when i walked in he opened his eyes , saw me with the tear in my eye n said one word only ” T3baaan ” I kissed him n Said ” I know baba i know 7abebi ” Then he went back to sleep. I had a blank thought, i donno how did i made it till the end of the day but i did, my sister msged me , telling that she’s coming tomorrow n i could not keep what the doctor just told me so I told her, after a while of texting she called me crying n asking for more information I answered her , i calm her down n I told her ” Zayoon, Whether it’s today tomorrow or next week, we are gonna adjust n digest it the same way, the only person would feel the difference in time is HIM ! , For his sake b strong n we should b there n prepare ourselves for letting go ! ”